Friday, 17 April, 2009

I spy...

She remembered something today, something she never knew she knew.

She remembers opening a door and seeing something she shouldn't have seen.

She goes over this picture in her mind, analyzing and over-analyzing it, hoping, praying even that it is her mind playing some dirty tricks on her. Hoping it is someone else's memory, someone else standing at the door. Not her but some other little girl not understanding what she is seeing, yet instinctively knowing that it is not normal, that it is wrong, that it is a big secret.

But it couldn't have been anyone else. Because the memory fit in with everything else she had learned about her reality. Maybe the burden of that secret must have been too big for her to handle. So, she forgot it. Till now...

She should have stopped there. But no, there was no going back from there. She started to remember more things. Some happy, some sad, some horrific things. Things that had made her the person she is today. She wondered sometimes why she behaved the way she did. Why she hated some things with such passion. Well, now she knew.

And as is usual with her, after the damage had already been done, she wishes she hadn't remembered at all. Because none of her questions had been answered. Well, thats not entirely true. The WHATs had been answered but not the WHYs.

Then she remembers reading somewhere, that the past is like a broken plate - you can try to piece it all together but it will never ever look the same. So she guesses it means she will never know why.

The picture in her head just keeps getting hazier and hazier.

1 comment:

Akshay said...

I've always believed...who u are today is a consequence/product of who u were, where u were, what u've seen, done...I dunno if this is making any sense to u.... but i guess u should be happy about who u are n try n be who u want to be

Phew!!! too much serious talk from a fool like me